Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication by Vanessa Van EdwardsLet’s unlock the magic formula: Warmth + Competence = Charisma. Ready to level up your communication game?
The Charisma Equation
Charisma is all about balance. If you want to appear competent, lower your voice and maintain direct eye contact. But don’t forget warmth—building rapport through small talk is just as crucial. Move flexibly within this scale depending on your message.
Matching Communication Styles
Matching others’ communication styles helps build rapport. People subconsciously pick up on these cues, making them feel understood and connected. Ever noticed how emotions are contagious? That’s emotional contagion in action. By interpreting and controlling your own cues, you can better understand others’ feelings and influence your interactions.
Practical Tips for Charismatic Communication
Let’s get practical. Imagine you’re a doctor talking to a child and their parents. Start by speaking to the child to build rapport—this will relax the parents too. Leaning forward shows interest, while leaning back can suggest disinterest. Crossing your arms? Big no-no! It makes you appear closed off. Instead, turn your body towards others to show interest. Or turn away if you need to end the conversation.
Get on the same level as the person you’re speaking to. If they’re sitting, sit down too. Use physical bridges, like handing them an object, to create a connection.
Eye Contact and Body Language
Eye contact isn’t just about looking; it’s about seeing emotions. A head tilt increases warmth, and nodding shows agreement and understanding. Show your emotions—they make you more memorable.
Powerful Posture
Want to look more powerful? Check your shoulders—relax them and add some space between your shoulders and earlobes. Place your feet slightly wider than usual and keep your hands relaxed, creating a bit of space between your arms and torso. Here’s a pro tip—steepling. Place the tips of your fingers together like a church steeple. It’s a universal display of confidence.
Working with Devices
Working on a device? A larger screen can make you feel more confident. Try using an external monitor. Remember the Nixon-Kennedy debate? Nixon’s poor posture and nervous movements contrasted sharply with Kennedy’s confident demeanor. Kennedy’s purposeful presence made him look like a true leader.
Handling Nervousness and Anxiety
Be mindful of blocking gestures, like rapidly blinking or covering your mouth, which signal nervousness. If you notice these cues in others, try to soothe their anxiety with rapport. Everyone’s different—some might prefer space, others a comforting word.
Recognizing Shame and Contempt
Look out for the shame cue—lightly touching the forehead with a downward glance. If you see this, share a mutual vulnerability or slow down the conversation. Finally, beware of unchecked contempt, which can turn into disrespect and hatred. Contempt often looks like a smirk with a raised corner of the mouth. Address it early to keep relationships healthy.
Conclusion
Mastering charismatic communication is all about understanding and controlling these subtle cues. Practice these tips, and you’ll become a more powerful and charismatic communicator. If you enjoyed this blog, share it with your friends, and don’t forget to subscribe to my newsletter for more insights.
