Connect-Convey-Convince: The Three Habits of Effective Communication
At the heart of Dieken’s message are three crucial habits: Connect, Convey, and Convince. These habits, when practiced, can transform how you communicate with others, making your interactions more effective and impactful.
1. Connect with the Heart
The first step to effective communication is connecting with the heart. It’s not just about what you say, but how you say it. The key here is to focus on the person you’re communicating with, understanding their preferred method of communication. Are they more driven by facts, or are they swayed by emotions?
To connect effectively, you need to adapt your style to match the person you’re communicating with. For instance, if you’re dealing with someone who’s highly analytical, give them the details, the data, and the hard facts they crave. But if you’re talking to someone who’s more emotionally driven, address their emotional needs directly. The goal is to meet people where they are, not where you are.
2. Convey Your Message Clearly
Once you’ve made a connection, the next step is to convey your message in a way that the other person can understand. Remember, it’s your responsibility to communicate clearly, not the other person’s job to figure out what you mean.
Active listening is crucial here. A powerful technique is to rephrase what the other person has said as a question. This not only shows that you’re paying attention but also ensures that you’ve correctly understood their message.
Here’s a pro tip: When someone repeats something, take note—this usually signals what they find most important. And if they ask negative questions, don’t take it personally. Instead, stay open and engaged; it could be a sign that they trust you enough to voice their concerns.
When dealing with difficult people, consider offering them options—ideally three. This can help calm them down and make them feel more in control. A good strategy is to present the option you want most first, followed by your least preferred, and then end with your second most desirable option.
Remember the law of inverse proportions: The more inflammatory the question, the more calmly you should deliver your answer.
For anxious individuals, it’s helpful to ask them to repeat back what they’ve understood. This ensures everyone’s on the same page and helps clear up any misunderstandings.
And if you receive criticism? Consider the intent behind it, ask for clarification if needed, and always thank the person. This shows maturity and a willingness to learn.
3. Convince with Confidence
The third habit is perhaps the most crucial: Convincing. If you want to influence others, you need to sound decisive. The language of leadership is confident and clear, and when you speak with conviction, people are more likely to follow your lead.
One of the best ways to convince others is to transfer ownership of ideas and decisions. When people feel like they own the idea, they’re more likely to embrace it and see it through. Great leaders know how to make others feel invested in the outcome.
Lastly, don’t forget to adjust your energy. Positive, upbeat energy is contagious and can boost your likability—a key ingredient in getting others on board with your ideas. Add warmth to your interactions, and you’ll find people more willing to commit to what you’re proposing.
Final Tips for Effective Communication
Before we wrap up, here are a few final tips from the book:
- Front-load your messages by delivering the most relevant part of your message first.
- Avoid sending heated emails in the heat of the moment. Whether you’re mad or flippant, keep a cool head before hitting the send button.
- Strive to offer solutions, not hostility. Always be tolerant of other people’s viewpoints and make the effort to listen.
In Summary: Communicating effectively isn’t just about talking; it’s about connecting, conveying, and convincing. By mastering these three habits, you can transform your interactions and make a greater impact in both your personal and professional life.
