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Crucial Accountability: How to Hold Others Accountable for Violated Expectations,. Broken Promises or Bad Behavior by K Patterson et al

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Starts with examples of conversations that are important and can be handled poorly by using silence or violence. When confrontation is required be aware that the other person is human and they may have circumstances and environmental factors that maybe ongoing that you are not aware of. Simply thinking of the other person as being evil or lazy is not helpful.

Key point is to establish what the actual argument is about, this may not be apparent from the immediate behaviour that is occurring but the underlying reason is the issue that needs confronted. Ideally be able to summarise this root cause in one sentence. This can stop arguments occurring about what somebody’s done and instead focus more around in what needs to occur in future.

When you have identified the root cause establish a mutual purpose so you can deal with the correct issue. When doing this ask for permission.

Don’t judge, for example you may say you missed the meeting then not realise they had a valid excuse such as attending a close relative’s funeral.

Check for motivation and their ability.

If new major emerging problem is identified when discussing things deal with this.

Utilise strategic delay if feeling emotional.  You may benefit from more time, be open, say you will get back to them and then do as you say.

Get to know others around you on personal level rather than solely being a person who speaks about problems.

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