Have you ever felt like someone was subtly manipulating you? In In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People, George K. Simon explores the covert tactics that manipulative individuals use to control others. If you’ve ever found yourself caught in the web of someone’s hidden agenda, this book offers valuable insights to help you understand and protect yourself from these toxic behaviours.
What is Covert Aggression?
Covert aggression is a type of manipulative behaviour where the aggressor uses subtle, underhanded tactics to achieve their goals. These individuals are often ruthless in their pursuit of what they want, but they do so in a way that isn’t immediately obvious. Most of the time, they aren’t setting out to hurt others—they just want to win at any cost. However, sadists take it a step further by actively enjoying the suffering they inflict on their victims.
The Connection to Narcissism
Covertly aggressive people share many traits with narcissists. Both groups have inflated egos and a strong sense of entitlement. They exploit their relationships, caring little about the emotions of others. Here are the key characteristics of covert aggressives:
- They always want to win.
- They seek power and dominance over others.
- They can be deceptively charming and civil.
- They can also be unscrupulous, underhanded, and vindictive.
- They have impaired consciences and lack internal “brakes.”
- They’re abusive and exploitative in their relationships.
These traits make covert aggressives particularly difficult to deal with, as they can mask their true intentions behind a facade of charm or civility.
Why Aggressive Personalities Don’t Change
One of the most crucial insights from Simon’s book is that aggressive personalities don’t change because they refuse to submit. Submission, in this context, means admitting defeat or acknowledging a higher authority or moral principle. For covert aggressives, admitting they’re wrong is unthinkable, so they continue their manipulative behaviours without learning from their past mistakes.
These individuals rationalize their selfish actions, convincing themselves and others that their behaviour is justified. This lack of accountability and refusal to learn from experience is what makes them so dangerous in relationships.
Final Thoughts
Understanding the traits and behaviours of covertly aggressive people can help you navigate and protect yourself from manipulative relationships. By recognizing these patterns, you can take steps to assert your boundaries and prevent these individuals from exploiting you.
If you’re dealing with a manipulative person, it’s important to stay vigilant and trust your instincts.
